Denver is 8 months!

 8 months/ 5 months adjusted 

       Wow! We have a 8 month old baby? Say what? I can't believe our sweet little Denver is already 8 months. What a wild 8 months it's been. 

       I remember when Denver was first born at 6:19 pm on Friday the 13th. A team of nicu doctors and nurses took him immediately. I didn't see or hear him. In fact I wouldn't have known that they even took him out of me if it weren't for the doctor who told me. Oh and I also saw Taylor go as pale as a ghost 😉-- guess that should have been the first clue. I saw Denver about 3-4 hours after I had him. I was determined to see him so I hobbled out of bed completely hunched over-- haha! 

        The first time I looked at him I saw the most beautiful baby in the world. I didn't see all the cords, tubes, stickers, and machines overtaking his little 2 pound body. I saw him. He was beautiful and he was mine. I didn't cry... I just stared at him and silently thanked Heavenly Father for allowing me to be his mom. I was SO lucky and I still am SO lucky. It's not often that you get to meet your hero, but I gave birth to mine.

More about Denver:

     • He weighs 14lb 6oz! I am not sure how long he is, but he looks really short! 

     • He loves to bounce up and down while we hold him. He is WILD & strong.

     • He will try tiny tastes of bananas & oatmeal sometimes. Half the time he gags the other half the time he smiles. He isn't sure how to feel about food in his mouth yet. 

      • He loves attention -- go figure 😉.

      • He cries or acts delusional if we don't put him in bed by 6:00. Who goes to bed that early? Haha!

      • He loves his momma ☺️. When Taylor gets home he immediately picks him up and Denver searches around the room for me 😂. He still loves his Dad too 😉.

      • Likes to stick both of his hands in his mouth and gag himself.

      • Loves to put a blanket on his head when he is tired.

      • Wants to be rocked to sleep (not complaining about this 😍).

      • Almost getting fed (via tube) 5 oz every 3 hours! HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENT.

      • Loves to watch Baby Einstein. If he starts crying in the car we are completely guilty of letting him watch it the whole car ride 🙈.

      • He has his tongue hanging out of his mouth 99% of the time. Hahaha! 

      • He has lately started to pull his cannula out and put it either in his mouth or on top of his nose. Silly D. 

      • Sometimes Tay and I wake him up a few hours after he has been asleep just so we can see his sweet smiles. Those are some of the sweetest moments that I'll cherish forever. He loves it almost as much as we do. 

     A few people have asked me about him retching and how his upper GI test went. When they did the test they said the Nissen was still intact...but with that being said that test isn't 100% accurate. The only x-Ray his belly for about 5 minutes and so if he doesn't retch or throw up in those 5 minutes then there is no way to tell. We met with his surgeon and he has Denver on a new medicine to see if that helps. I give it to him 3 times a day and it's suppose to help his muscles relax. We have tried another medicine like this before and it didn't work so I won't be surprised if this doesn't work unfortunately. We see the surgeon again in 1 month to talk about everything again. The surgeon said if this doesn't work we only have 2 other options.

•••• Option 1: change his g-tube to a g/j tube. I absolutely don't want to do this because he would be hooked up to a pump for 21 hours a day. Right now we are only hooked up to a pump for 15 hours a day. I know that's totally selfish of me, but I enjoy my few hours of no pump hooked to D. I mean we are already hooked up to oxygen 24 hrs a day and we are hooked up to his monitor 15 hours a day. 

•••• Option 2: deal with Denver retching. As horrible as this sounds I feel like this is our only option. He has been throwing up 1-2 times a day so not a ton, but he shouldn't even be able to! It's extremely sad to watch because it's very violent. His whole body turns red and he starts sweating and crying. 😓

     Despite all of these really really hard obstacles we have faced and ones we will continue to face we are so so grateful. Things could be worse. We are very blessed to have a happy 8 month old baby. Denver is a miracle and I will remind myself of that every day. 

----I also want to add that we are so grateful for everyone's support and love this past year. We have felt uplifted from everyone's kind words and prayers. Xoxo 💙 

      

Denver is 7 months!

      Denver is 7months old/4 months adjusted! Wow! I can't believe we have a 7 month old. What a whirlwind these last 7 months have been. He has brought us so much JOY. We just love and adore him. I could eat him on a daily basis! I wanted to write a little blog post about him mainly so I can always look back and reminisce about this stage of his life! 

      Denver weighs 13 lbs (huge accomplishment!). Wearing 3-6 month clothes. Newborn shoes (tiny feet). He is in the negative percentiles for head, weight, and height according to his actual age. Luckily one of our doctors put him on a chart with his adjusted age (babies born in May) and gave us some more accurate numbers. He is 10% for weight, 4% for height, and 50% for head. Still pretty small, but hey he had a rough start! 

    Denver has the best personality if I do say so myself. He never cries unless he is overly tired. He is always happy go lucky! He smiles at everything especially mom and dad. Every time he smiles he sticks out his tongue! He is very stingy with his laughs though (little stinker). He will only give us a good laugh if he is in the water getting splashed. He loves taking showers and baths. He is a total water baby (maybe he will be a swimmer?). He started sticking out his bottom lip when strangers talk to him. It's really cute and funny! I think he has started to do it just because he knows it makes us laugh. He is a handful that's for sure! 

       He loves to play with his toys. His favorite toys are his chains and his orange ball. He is obsessed with the tv. He will stop everything he is doing and watch tv for as long as I'll let him. We try and get his attention while the tv he is on and he will glance at us for a second and then look right back at the tv! Haha he can't be bothered when the tv he is on! 

       Denver loves attention. He absolutely loves to be talked to. He will try his hardest to talk back to you. It's so so cute.. He puts his lips together and blows bubbles and makes noises as if he is trying so hard to talk. He is obsessed with me. When Taylor gets home from work he gets excited, but after a few minutes he starts looking for me. As soon as he finds me he will watch every little move I make! It's really cute, but I think Tay gets a little jealous 😉. One day he will just want dad and not mom so I am soaking it up for now! 

     D sleeps from 7:30 pm to about 8:30 am. He sleeps in his rock-n-play next to our bed. Such a good little sleeper (most days 😉)! He naps in his mamaroo during the day and takes short little cat naps... But it's ok more time to play with me 👌☺️. He sleeps swaddled or else he goes crazy and will pull his cannula and eyeballs out! Haha but seriously. When he is tired he talks himself to sleep or he cries depending on how tired he is. 

      He is currently still not eating anything by mouth. He has tried TINY TINY little tastes of baby food (bananas) but we only get to do that occasionally. He stopped taking his binki, but he puts his hands and toys in his mouth! We are so grateful for this because babies who don't eat by mouth are more likely to get an oral aversion. Thankfully I have still been able to pump so he gets fed Breast milk fortified with a teaspoon of Elecare (to add extra calories) and a few tsp's of MCT oil (straight fat 👌) all through his g-tube! 

      Denver is still on oxygen 24/7. We see our pulmonologist next week and hopefully(fingers crossed) he gives us a timeline of when he thinks we can get Denver off oxygen. We pray constantly that his lungs are getting stronger and healing! We wash our hands about 1000 times a day (no joke) trying to prevent D from getting sick. Fun fact: we go through about 6 bottles of hand soap a month. My knuckles are constantly bleeding because I wash my hands so much 😩. 

     We don't go a week without seeing the doctor. Haha so sad but true! Hopefully the doctor visits slow down soon! The other day Taylor and I counted all the doctors D has seen. In Denver's short life he has been seen by a pulmonologist, opthamologist, gasternologist, neurologist, ent specialist, cardiologist, and tomorrow we see a dermatologist! We are so grateful for all of the wonderful doctors at Primary Children's, but we are ready for a break 😉. 

      Denver is our whole world. Our lives revolve around everything to do with him. He sure keeps us busy, but we wouldn't change it for the world. We love him more than I can even explain in words! 

➕From Taylor: I love Denver because he gives me the best attitude for the situation that we are in. He doesn't cry very much even though he may not be comfortable with a G-tube and a Nissen. I wonder how different it must feel to have air in your stomach that you can't get out unless you have a syringe. I also wonder how it feels to have stickers on your face to hold down a canula that goes into your nose. I always feel bad when he tries to rip off his canula. I wish that I could take it off forever. He is very courageous to be here today and to continue fighting. I love you Denver! 

(Tay is such a wonderful dad- Denver is so lucky!) ♥️

7 month pictures:

       

Tender Mercies

I have so much to blog about. Warning-- this is going to be LONG. Taylor isn't here to grammar check my post so please no judging. Haha! I don't care about proper grammar right now. 😁

     Wow! Seriously can Denver just catch a break? My poor baby has been through so much lately. As a parent you just wish you could take away all of your babies trials. Since I can't take away his trials I will just try and be the absolute best mother I can to our sweet Denver. 

       I am going to start from the beginning of last week--

      Monday (June 29th): Taylor and I always pray for Denver. We pray that we will be good parents to him. We pray that we can be guided by the spirit so that we will know how we can help him. We pray that his lungs will get stronger. We pray that he will be happy and healthy. We pray that he will breathe easy. We pray that he will start to eat better. You get the idea. We pray all the time. I woke up and told Taylor that something was wrong with Denver. Ever since Denver was in the NICU he has struggled with his eating. It's been so hard because how can something that seems so natural be so hard for him? Every time we tried to feed Denver he would gag, choke, or stop breathing. It was getting worse and his oxygen needs seemed to be going up. For MONTHS I have asked several different doctors to do a swallow study on Denver. They kept brushing me off or telling me it wasn't necessary because he didn't need one. It was so frustrating but how do you tell a doctor they're wrong? 

      Finally Monday morning I was done. I knew he needed a swally study because I knew in my heart something was wrong. Taylor told me to not be nice and to call up the doctor and demand a swallow study! Haha! I got brave and did it. I told them that I thought D was aspirating and I was scared and they finally listened! They scheduled a swallow study for him on Thursday. They also told us to stop feeding him by mouth and just feed him by his ng tube. The doctor also told us that we needed to call a pulmonologist(lung doctor) and make an appointment as soon as possible. He said that if I was right about D aspirating then his lungs could be compromised. 

       I called Primary Children's and asked to make a appointment for that week. They told me that there next available appointment wouldn't be until AUGUST. Say what? I was instantly mad. The doctor just told me that my babies lungs could be in trouble and you're telling me you can't see him until August? I told the lady that I would personally call D's GI specialist (also a doctor at primary's) and get him to make an appointment for me. Boy did her tune change! Haha! The next thing the lady said to me was, "how about tomorrow?" 

        Tuesday (June 30th): So many tender mercies happened this day. I haven't really talked about this before, but Denver has what they call Chronic Lung Diesease of Prematurity. Basically it's something D can outgrow if treated properly but it could lead to long term problems as well. That is the reason we stay in our house 24/7 and don't have visitors over. That is also the reason my hands look like prunes because I wash them 1000 times a day. If Denver gets any type of sickness even a little cold it could be very life threatening to him and his lungs.  

     Anyways.. We got to D's appointment and met the pulmonologist, Dr. Asfour. We told him all about D and we also told him how Denver has started to cough a lot lately. He prescribed Denver a inhaler. Have you ever heard of a baby on an inhaler? Poor thing. We have to do his inhaler treatments once in the morning and once at night. He is on albuterol & Qvar. Albuterol helps open up his lungs and Qvar is a steroid that helps reduce inflammation of the lungs. 

      The doctor left the room and the nurse came in to give us instructions on how to use the inhaler. While Tay was holding Denver he started to cough pretty hard. I took Denver and started to pat him on the back... He started throwing up very very violently! It came out of his nose and mouth. He couldn't breathe. He was gasping for air and choking on his vomit. It was on of the scariest moments of my life. His cannula was feeling up with throw up so he couldn't get any oxygen. The nurse ran to get something to suction his nose out. I looked at Tay and told him to get help. D's face was turning bright red and his eyes were watering and he literally couldn't breathe. The doctor came running in and took D from me. The doctor kept patting Denver's back trying to get him to breathe. I was using my shirt to wipe D's nose and mouth. I was trying to get his nose and mouth clear so he could breathe again. The doctor wanted to send us to the emergency room next door, but things started to settle down after a few minutes. The doctor was very concerned about Denver's lungs because he knew that he had definitely aspirated. 

        We were sent over to Radiology so that they could x-Ray D's lungs. While we were sitting in the waiting room Tay and I were both silent. I think we were just in shock and scared. Our poor Denver was struggling so hard. I remember saying a prayer in my head just asking Heavenly Father to help Denver be ok. I was scared. I was holding back my tears because I was sick of crying. 

        A guy that I had saw in the waiting room of the pulmonologist office started walking over to us. I noticed him staring at me when I was checking D in earlier. I figured he was just looking at me because we have so much equipment attached to D. We are like a walking circus so we get lots of stares ;). Anyways... He walked up to us and said, "Wow what a beautiful baby. What's his name?" We answered him and he then told us that that was him not too long ago. He pointed to his 11 year old daughter (who was playing with her brother a few feet away) and said she use to look just like your baby. We started talking to him and exchanging stories of Denver and his daughter. Though there was a huge difference in age there situation(s) were extremely similar. Almost identical. We ended up finding out that he was also LDS and had attended Byu too. He told us that he had felt inspired to come talk to us. He assured us that it would get better. He told us to follow the spirit. It was so so comforting. We ended up being called in so we had to tell him bye. 

     As we were driving home Taylor and I both started to cry. This is unusual for us.. Haha well not for me! I cry on a daily basis, but Taylor doesn't cry very often. We weren't crying because we were sad. We were crying because we were completely overcome with the spirit. What a tender mercy of the lord. We were having such a hard time and the Lord knew and he guided someone to come help us. I don't think that guy will ever realize just how much he helped Taylor and I that day. We needed some hope. We needed to know our baby was going to be ok. It was an answered pray. This just goes to show you to always follow the spirit.  Always follow spiritual promptings. The Lord will never leave you alone. What a tender mercy. 

      Shouldn't Tuesday be over? Hahah nope more doctors appointments! We also had D's  circumcision scheduled for later that day. Poor Denver... But we had to get it done and this was the only day they could get us in! They told Tay & I not to go in the room while he got it done because it was too hard on us. We told them that we weren't leaving D alone so the let us go.  Man oh man it was brutal. I hate how they have to strap his little arms and legs down. I sat up by his head and talked to him and tried to calm him down. They gave me cherry syrup and I dipped him binki in it and he was LOVING it. It was so cute. He was going to town chowing down on that bink. He was covered in syrup after it was over! He was so so sticky! Hahah! Another tender mercy... As we were packing up to leave. The receptionist came back in and told us that she refunded us the money for the procedure (our insurance didn't cover it). We were so confused. She told us that our pediatrician didn't want us to pay for it because he thinks we have already been through enough. It was such a sweet thing for him to do. Made our day! 

    Wednesday (July 1st): No doctors appointment today. Hallelujah 🙌

     Thursday (July 2nd): We finally had Denver's swallow study today! It was the most fascinating thing to see. I think Taylor recorded a little bit of the swallow study so I will try and get the video and post it soon. A speech therapist met us in the room and asked us questions about D before we started. They had two different types of liquids... Thin liquid (like breast milk) & a thick liquid (like nectar/gel). We told her that we think he is aspirating so she said she would try the thick liquid first. The liquid is mixed with something called barium (it's a special liquid that shows up on the x-Ray). They had us sit him in this little chair.. It was so cute.. He looked so big sitting up. There was an x-Ray machine right next to his head so they could see the liquid going down as he was swallowing. They turned the machine on and gave him the bottle and he started gulping it down... I was so surprised that he liked it and was drinking! He is such a picky little guy and that stuff looked like a bottle of chalk 😝. 

     The doctor and speech therapist were watching the x-Ray as D was drinking and they kept saying "oh wow" "did you see that penetration?"... Tay and I were so confused. We wanted to know what they were seeing! Finally after 10 minutes they said he was done. Basically they said that when he would swallow he would get up to the point RIGHT BEFORE aspirating. They didn't even attempt to do the thin liquid because they said he would of 100% aspirated on it. They told us before we left to not feed him by mouth at all because it could be very dangerous for him. 

      We left feeling relieved and overwhelmed... Well I know that's how I felt. I also felt mad at myself. I should have demanded this be done in the NICU. My advice to anyone who is reading this: ALWAYS always follow your motherly/fatherly instinct. The chances are you're probably right and if your not who cares? I learned a really valuable lesson after today. I will always be Denver's advocate. I don't care if the doctors don't agree.. They don't know my baby like I do! 

     Friday (July 3rd): Tay left this day. Worst day ever. I seriously cried all day. Taylor actually got this job offer to work for Key Bank back in November of 2014. We had been planning to move to Ohio for a long time. Denver was suppose to be born in May and then we would move in June. Hahaha...I laugh when I think about our plans because D changed everything.   While D was in the NICU we were still planning on moving in June.. The doctors said it shouldn't be a problem. Well as the date came closer we realized that Denver and I would have to stay behind for awhile. D was just getting worse with his health. I didn't want Tay to leave us but I knew it was in Denver's best interest for us to stay. 

 

       Skip all the way over to Monday (July 6th): We had D's follow up GI appointment. His doctor, Dr. Jackson, was really worried about him. Dr. Asfour (lung doc) called him over the weekend and told him that he was worried about D. Everyone is as worried including Tay and I. Dr. J advised us to get surgery scheduled for him asap! The doc wanted him to get a g-tube placed in his stomach because he won't be able to eat by mouth for awhile. He also wants him to get a surgery called nissen fundoplication. This surgery will make it where D can't throw up or reflux. The reason we would do this surgery is because every time he refluxes(which is does ALL the time) and throws up he aspirates on it. It's causing damage to his lungs and hence probably why he requires oxygen still. Our hope is that these two surgeries will fix his problems. There are drawbacks from the Nissen surgery but we have decided the pros outweigh the cons. 

      Thursday (July 9th): We (me & my mom) met with a surgeon at Primary Children's Hospital and talked about how the surgery would be preformed. The surgeon was very confident and knowledgeable which made me feel really good! We are waiting to hear back from the surgeon about what day we can schedule it for. Hopefully as soon as possible so Denver won't have to struggle much longer. I am happy and nervous for this surgery. I am happy that it should help and make life easier on all of us especially our little babe. I am so so scared for them to take him back to surgery. The will have to intubated him again (meaning they will put him on a ventilator during surgery). The surgery will take about 2 hours and they think he will be hospitalized for 3-5 days. 

    We are so grateful that Denver is here and he is alive. We never anticipated that he would struggle so much after leaving the NICU. I am so grateful for amazing doctors. I am also so grateful to live by such a wonderful children's hospital. I know D will bee in great hands. Please pray for our little D. 💙

     

        

          

       

Denver's Birth Story

February 13, 2015


      All week my mom kept saying how she couldn't wait for Friday the 13th because she just knew there would be lots of crazy people at the hospital. I remember her saying, "I hope we go back downstairs to L&D on the 13th". I got mad at her for saying that because going back downstairs meant I could possibly be having a baby soon. I wanted to stay on the 2nd floor as long as possible! I kept telling my mom that she better not have jinxed me!
       Friday that 13th came and my day seemed very normal. I actually blogged that morning and just hung out with my mom and Taylor. My friend, Heidi, came to visit me around 3:00 and we were just talking and visiting for awhile. I felt like I needed to go the bathroom so my mom unhooked my leg compression cuffs and I got up and walked a few steps to the bathroom. As I was walking, I felt a ton of liquid run down my legs. I kept walking the rest of the way to the toilet and when I turned around there was a huge trail of blood behind me. I sat down on the toilet and it just started pouring out of me. I immediately screamed for someone to help me. My mom came in and saw the blood and she told Taylor to call the nurse. My mom decided the nurse needed to come quicker so she ran out in the hallway to grab her. I was in shock... I was so scared and I didn't want to move so I just sat down on the bathroom floor. I was covered in blood. I had it all over my legs, arms, and even my hospital gown.
        The nurse came in and told me that it didn't look like too much blood. I remember thinking "Are you kidding me? It looks like a murder scene in here lady!" The nurse told me to get back in bed and that she was going to go call the doctor. Thankfully Heidi stayed and talked for awhile longer (it helped me keep my mind off what was going on). My nurse came back in after 10 minutes and told me that she was taking me downstairs so they could monitor me. It looks like my mom's wish was coming true (haha)! I remember them wheeling me downstairs in a wheelchair and I was shaking and on the verge of tears. I was SO scared. I just knew all this bleeding wasn't normal.
         They got me downstairs and hooked me up to the contraction monitor and fetal heart rate monitor. I could hear Denver's heart rate and I was so relieved! The contraction monitor started to pick up some contractions and I was starting to feel them. Taylor and my mom kept trying to talk to me and comfort me and I was just giving them the silent treatment. I was in shock and I was so scared that I just didn't want to talk to anyone. My nurse came in and told me that she talked to my doctor and they were going to give me some IV fluids and some Magnesium (to try and stop the contractions). This was the 3rd time they had given me Magnesium, so I wasn't too worried about it. Usually Magnesium gives you some really horrible side effects like hot flashes, flu symptoms, and just feeling crazy. Luckily I had never really experienced these side effects except getting a little hot.
          Doctor Jensen (my favorite doctor just so happened to be on call) came in and talked to me about my bleeding. He told me that we would just kind of play it out and see what happened in the next few hours. They really wanted to keep my baby in as long as possible, but they didn't want to risk my life or babies life by keeping me pregnant. After he left I buzzed my nurse and told her I had to go pee SO bad. Taylor and the nurse walked me to the bathroom. I had just finished a HUGE bag of IV fluids so I knew my bladder was FULL. I needed to go so bad but when I sat down and tried to go nothing came out except blood! A whole lot of blood. Taylor went and got my nurse and told her that I couldn't pee and a ton of blood came out. The nurse made me get back in bed and I wanted to cry (I actually did cry). My stomach hurt from contractions and the fact that my bladder was about to BURST. I remember crying to Taylor and telling him I was scared and I just wanted to go home.
          All of a sudden Doctor Jensen came in and told us he was thinking it was about time to go ahead and take the baby. He was worried that my bleeding wasn't stopping and it appeared to be getting worse. He walked out of the room for a minute and a nurse came running in and put one of those blue mesh caps on my head. I remember thinking what in the world is this lady doing? I asked her what was going on and she said, "I am preparing you for a C-section". Taylor, my mom, and I were all in shock. We had no idea that it was going to happen this fast! Denver's heart rate started to come off the monitor so the nurse was trying to get his heart rate back on. Doctor Jensen and Doctor Ball (he is a high risk- maternal fetal medicine doctor) came in and said "we are going to do a C-section within the hour". The nurse was still trying to find Denver's heart rate. She kept looking at the doctors saying, "I can't find it". I was trying to stay calm but I did not like that they couldn't find his heart rate! The nurse grabbed my wrist and felt my pulse. She turned and looked at the doctor's and said, "her heart rate is matching the babies heart rate and it's making me nervous". I think my heart rate was 135...obviously I was scared! The nurse finally found Denver's heart rate again.
        Another nurse came in and said they needed to put a catheter in. My bladder was still full so as scared as I was to get a catheter I was relieved that my bladder was finally going to be emptied! The nurse put the catheter in and holy smokes did it hurt! The nurse looked at the catheter bag after she put it in and the bag was filling up with blood!! The nurse looked at me and said, "Are you peeing blood?" I seriously wanted to conk her on the head. I was in so much pain and my bladder still felt super full. Luckily my nurse went and got another nurse (one with more experience) and she showed her my catheter bag. The nurse with more experience looked at my nurse and said "um you didn't put that catheter in the right place." Obviously my nurse doesn't know her 3 holes very well. Because the catheter was in the wrong spot; they had to re-do it. As they were re-putting the catheter in the right place the anesthesiologist came in. I was screaming SO loud as they were putting the catheter in; and the anesthesiologist (bless his heart) was trying to go over everything that was going to happen. I was thinking, "seriously dude you can't wait until they get this catheter in to talk to me?". Finally they got that blessed thing in and what do you know? I filled up the whole bag! They said, "Wow you really did need to go, huh?" I tried to tell them!
         My sweet husband, Taylor, knew I needed a blessing before they took me back for my C-section. Taylor looked at the nurse and said, "how much time do we have before they take her back?". The nurse looked at Taylor and without hesitation she said, "you want to give her a blessing don't you?". Taylor had called his cousin, Jarem, and asked him to come help administer the blessing. Jarem was driving to the hospital, but he wasn't going to get there quick enough unfortunately. The nurse told Taylor that she would be right back and she ran down the hallway. All of a sudden a random guy who I had never met or seen before came into my room holding some consecrated oil (what LDS priesthood holders use to administer blessings to the sick). I couldn't believe it! I have never been so grateful to live in Utah. The nurse knew there was an LDS couple a few doors down and she ran to get the guy so he could help Taylor give me a blessing. Taylor and this sweet random guy gave me a blessing of comfort and health. I was still nervous, but I was definitely comforted and feeling more at peace.
         They came in right after the blessing was over to take me back for my C-section. They made Taylor wait outside of the O.R. until they had given me the spinal block. I was really sad that Taylor couldn't be there for the spinal block because I was scared it was going to hurt. The moment they rolled me into the O.R. they stuck an ultrasound probe on my stomach to watch the babies heartbeat. They held the ultrasound probe on me and continued to monitor the heart rate until they started the surgery. The spinal block wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but I did make the nurse hold my hand (haha)! They had me sit on the side of the bed and lean over and try to hold as still as possible. Holding still was very hard because I was shaking so much from being scared and cold. The anesthesiologist told me that my legs would start to go numb after 30 seconds. After a few minutes I couldn't feel anything from my toes to my rib cage.
         Even though I was feeling really numb I was still pretty nervous about feeling them cut me open. I am sure the doctors all thought I was a crazy lady because I kept asking them if I was going to be able to feel them cut me open. They pinched me a bunch of times with this little tool and I couldn't feel it so they assured me that I was completely numb and I wouldn't feel anything. Taylor finally came in... he was dressed in these blue mesh scrubs and he looked so cute! I was so happy to see him. He sat right next to my head and held my hand the whole time.
       Doctor Jensen said, "incision" and then I knew that they had cut me open. I had to tell him to not give me a play by play of what was going on. A few minutes went by and I got super nauseous. I told Taylor I was going to throw up. The anesthesiologist handed Taylor a bag and I threw up. Do you realize how hard it is to thrown up when your stomach is numb? It was miserable, but I got through it. Taylor kept peeking over the curtain that they put up. I couldn't believe he was looking! Taylor does not like blood... He can't even watch me get a shot or get my blood drawn. I kept telling him to sit down because I didn't want him to pass out!
       Taylor and I had gone my whole pregnancy without finding out the gender. We got SO many ultrasounds during our 3 week stay at the hospital and we never caved in and asked. We were dying to know if we were having a girl or a boy! Taylor and I were both convinced it was a girl. Doctor Jensen knew we were waiting to find out the gender. After about 10 minutes into the surgery he announced, "it's definitely a boy!". Taylor peeked his head over the curtain and looked at our little boy for the first time! There was a team of NICU nurses, NICU doctor, and a respiratory therapist waiting to take our little boy.
          Taylor stayed by me for about 5 minutes and then decided to go check on our boy. The doctors took like 30-40 more minutes to stitch me up. They had to cut me vertically(up and down) because Denver was so small and it would be harder on him if they cut me horizontally. They told me that because they cut me vertically it would make it harder for me to have more babies. I didn't care though because I wanted them to do whatever they could to make it easier for Denver to come out.
          After they got me stitched up they wheeled me back into my room. There were so many people waiting in my room. My mom, my aunt Jill, my in-laws, and my brother and sister-in-law. I was so overwhelmed and really emotional and I just started crying. I think everyone was a little worried and didn't know why I was crying. I was just happy to see everyone there, but I was also worried about my little baby. The nurse came in and told us that they weighed Denver in the NICU and he weighed 2lbs 4oz! We all gasped.. we were not expecting him to weigh that much!
         The NICU doctor that was there to take Denver after he was born came into my room 1 hour later. Dr. Swentin told us that when Denver was born they had to resuscitate him because he stopped breathing. The doctor said that he was on the ventilator (the machine that breaths for him) and that he was doing a lot better. Taylor went and took pictures of him and came back and showed me. He was so TINY and CUTE. The nurse told me that I couldn't go see Denver until I could feel my legs. I was so determined to go see my baby. I kept telling everyone that I wanted to go. It took a few hours, but as soon as I felt my feet I got out of my bed and told Taylor I was ready to go!
         It took us 2 days to name our little boy because we couldn't agree on a name. We finally named him and we think it fits him perfectly. Denver Taylor Myers has stolen our hearts!
       

Hospital Bed Rest

     Lately a lot of people have been asking me what I can and can't do while on bed rest. I thought I would write a post explaining exactly what my bed rest entails.

{Here is what my day consists of! Laying in bed... All day! Can I get a fist pump for being on bed rest for 19 days now? Miracles happen peeps!}

      I am on strict hospital bed rest meaning I can only get up to go to the bathroom and to shower. They offered to put a catheter in for me so I didn't have to get up to go to bathroom, but I drew the line there. Having a little tube shoved up your pee hole isn't something I am interested in. I usually shower every 3-4 days just depending on how I am feeling and smelling ;). I feel like an old woman while showering because I have to use a shower chair. When I happen to have an IV in my hand I have to tape a glove on my hand so the IV doesn't get wet. Have you ever tried shampooing your hair with a glove on? If not, you're missing out. It's quite the challenge! Taylor feels so bad for me sometimes he even has offered to wash my hair for me. What a sweet husband! Seriously though... By the time I am done taking a shower I am so exhausted. It's going to be a LONG road to recovery after baby M is born! 

         I use to think of myself as a very private person before I landed myself in the hospital. For example I never use to just change in front of people and I definitely didn't invite people into the bathroom while I was doing my business. Boy has this all changed rather quickly! When I am hooked up to my IV machine and the belly monitors someone has to come to the bathroom with me because I have about a bajillion cords to carry and try not to trip over. Luckily I don't have to be hooked up to the machines everyday so I can go to the bathroom by myself every once in awhile. Haha!! 

       The doctors are worried about me getting blood clots because I am not walking anywhere besides to the bathroom, which is only 3 feet away from my bed. I have to wear these compression cuffs on my calves. They are the most annoying things ever, but I am also very grateful for them! It's a love hate relationship. They are connected to this machine at the end of my bed. They siminateously feel up with air and then deflate. The cords that they are connected to get caught under my bed sometimes and then I literally can't move my legs. The other night after my mom fell asleep my cords got caught. I didn't want to wake her up because I knew she was so tired (we don't get much sleep around here). I tried for 30 minutes to get untangled, but I finally just gave up and went to bed. I felt like I was chained to my bed... Looking back it's actually really funny! 

{Picture of the leg compression cuffs. Also a little shoutout to Heidi Russell for the cutest & softest socks! Thanks Russell family!}

        I want to talk about what I wear everyday. I don't have people ask me about this, but I just want to write it down so I can look back on it later and laugh. I am sure most people have had the pleasure of wearing a hospital gown once in their lives. If not... You're not missing out. The back is completely open and all that's holding it together is a few pieces of strings! When I have people visiting and I have to get up to go to the bathroom... Well they are in for a little treat;) I also get the privilege of wearing these one size fits all mesh panties. My doctor tried to tell me that Victoria Secret has been trying to buy the rights to sell them in their stores because they're so glamorous. Taylor even told me that he thinks they look comfy! I told him that we could get him a pair and then we'll see how much he likes them. Let me just show you what they look like.

{Lovely, huh? If anyone wants a pair feel free to stop by. Bonus: they come in packs of two!}

      All jokes aside I am so grateful to still be here. Each day, hour, and minute is such a blessing. I can't believe I have almost made it to 27 weeks. I came here 3 weeks ago thinking I was having a baby. A baby that was way too small and not developed enough to come into this world. I was told that my baby probably wouldn't live and if it did, it would probably have severe disabilities. As hard as that was to hear, I have always known that Heavenly Father had a plan for this baby. I have no idea what that plan is, but I pray everyday that plan is for it to live so Taylor and I can raise it and love it unconditionally, even if it does have problems. I am so grateful to have made it this far. I know it's a true miracle that I haven't had this baby yet. I know that each and everyone of your prayers are helping and giving us more time. Taylor and I are so grateful. I can't express how grateful I am, but just know if I could hug and kiss each one of you I would! Xoxo

The past 24 hours

****Disclaimer: Please stop reading now if you don't want to read anything about my bodily fluids. Thanks! 

       I wanted to write about what has been going on the past 24 hours before I forget. I realize I need to go back and blog about what events happened between my water breaking and now, but I don't want to forget this. Sorry if your OCD and it bothers you that I am going out of order. It bothers me too, but I am going to set my OCD aside for a minute. 

        Yesterday morning (Thursday, February 5, 2015) my mom and I woke up around 8:30 am. We both were being kind of lazy and just talking and looking at our phones. At noon I told my mom I had to go to the bathroom so she unhooked my leg compression things (I have to wear these bad boys 24/7 so I don't get a blood clot). I got up and started walking the 3 feet to the bathroom and I felt this huge gush. I knew it wasn't my amniotic fluid which had been continually leaking. I knew it was blood. I tried not to panic. I sat down to go the bathroom and sure enough it was bright red blood (not good). Then a blood clot the size of a silver dollar came out too. Sorry if this is TMI but I want to record everything so don't read if you get grossed out. Anyways, so I screamed from the bathroom and told my mom what was happening and I told her to call the nurse. The nurse came in and I told her what happened and she said, "ok I have to call the doctor! I will be right back." My mom and I just looked at each other and we both started to cry. I kept saying, "mom I am scared. I am not ready to have this baby. I am scared mom!" My poor mom was scared too and she didn't know what to do. She grabbed my hands and started to pray. I immediately felt comforted. Don't get me wrong I was still scared, but I felt like Heavenly Father was very aware of my my situation. If anyone doubts that there is a god. I am here to tell you that we have a Heavenly Father who loves us and he is very aware of everything we are going through. He does not leave us alone. He is always there. I am so grateful for this knowledge. I don't think I could have made it through these LONG 13 days without him. 

        I kept asking my mom when the Doctor was going to come. I was so scared that the baby was just going to slip right out of me. I told my mom to call Taylor and tell him to get his butt to the hospital ASAP. For those of you that don't know... Taylor is a senior at BYU, taking his last 18 credits. He graduates in April, so this is his last semester! Poor guy.. He has been driving from Draper (our home) to Provo (school) and then to Salt Lake (hospital) everyday. Anyways, about 15 minutes later the doctor on call (Dr.Oliver) came into my room to check on me. I told Dr. O. what was going on and she said, "so basically I am going to check you and see if you're dilated. if you're dilated to even a 3 then we are going straight to the ER and getting this baby out." You guys my heart almost fell out of my chest. I think I probably could have passed out. She checked me and I was only dilated to a 1! I was so relieved that the baby wasn't coming right that second. I was still really worried though because I was still bleeding a lot. Dr. Oliver said they were going to take me downstairs and monitor my contractions and the babies heart rate. Now just to fill you in on the whole downstairs and upstairs situation. Downstairs is Labor and Delivery meaning you get more attention because you're probably about to have the baby-so you're monitored 24/7 downstairs. Upstairs is for moms who have already delivered and are now just recovering. Upstairs is also for people like me who haven't delivered and aren't in active labor or showing signs of labor. So being upstairs was a good thing! 

        The only thing nice about moving downstairs was the fact that I got to leave my room and go on a wheelchair ride! Although I was far too worried to even enjoy the ride :(. I got situated in my room and they hooked me up to the monitors. They told me I couldn't eat anything just in case they needed to deliver soon. Dr. O. came in with the ultrasound machine and told me she was going to check baby. Well lo and behold the baby had moved... It was now footling breech meaning it's feet were right on my cervix. So basically it's standing straight up inside of me! Rewind a little bit... Ever since I got to the hospital the baby has been breech but it has had its little bum wedged in my cervix. It was actually a good thing it's bum was wedged there because it was acting as a little cork. It's actually amazing that the little babe even managed to move because there is absolutely no water in there making it very hard for baby to move. So we are grateful that it is so strong! 

        Taylor got there finally! I was so relieved to see him. The nurse came in after Taylor got there and told me that I was having contractions so they were going to hook me up to Magnesium again. I already had an IV in my right hand, but the nurse noticed it had already been in there for 3 days so she had to change it out :(. I was so sad to be poked again. I have lost count how many times I have had a needle in me. 

         After they started my magnesium I started to feel a lot of pain. The point of the magnesium is to calm my uterus so it will stop contracting and try to stop labor.  Well I guess it wasn't working fast enough because I was in so much pain. I was in tears from back and stomach pains. I was trying to fight through the pain but it was starting to become really unbearable. The nurse told me that there were a few different pain pills they could give me. I was trying so hard to not take anything because I am so paranoid about hurting the baby and countless other reasons. Taylor, my mom, and the nurses really wanted me to take something for the pain so I finally agreed. The nurse said I could take this medicine that started with a P... I can't think of the name right now. The nurse told me that it would make me dizzy and nauseous for about 2 whole minutes and then I would feel really good and sleepy for about 1 hour. I did not like the sound of those side effects, but I figured I could handle 2 minutes. I also decided to only take half of what was prescribed. Two nurses administered the medicine through my IV and then stood there and waited to see how I would feel. 

        HOLY SMOKES! I literally thought I was going to die when that medicine hit me. I started getting so hot (luckily Tay had a fan right by my head). I was so dizzy that I thought I was going to pass out. Taylor, my mom, and the two nurses were standing over my bed trying to calm me down. I just remember saying over and over, "I don't want to die!!". I told the nurse I was going to throw up and she said ok let me grab a bag. I started throwing up and unfortunately the nurse didn't get there in time. I threw up all over myself and my bed. Gross I know. I kept throwing up and then finally it stopped. I got super sleepy and knocked out. 

         I woke up after about 1 hour and started throwing up again. It was horrible. And the contractions were back. Holy cow I thought I was dying. Haha I realize I sound dramatic, but it was not fun. My poor Taylor and Mom were up all night sitting by my bed. They were so worried about me. Basically to wrap the night up.. I was drugged up on different pain pills, throwing up, and in and out of sleep. It was a rough night. The nurses  came back in at 3 am and took me off the magnesium. We all fell asleep and woke up at 8. 

         The next doctor on shift was Dr. Jensen (he is one of my favorites). He came in and checked on me and he told me that him and Dr. Jesslyn (a maternal fetal medicine doctor) were going to meet and discuss my case and come talk to me at noon. 

        Noon rolled around and both doctors came in with another ultrasound machine. They checked baby M and not much had changed. They said my cervix looked good and baby M's little feet were still kicking the crap out of my cervix. Haha all I know is that little baby is a redhead.. It's a little fire ball and pretty naughty. The doctors said they don't really know where the bleeding is coming from. They said it could come from a number of things, but it's hard to say what it's coming from. They said that they basically just have to wait and see what is going to happen. They want us to take it one day at a time. There are a few reasons that they will immediately take the baby: 1. The baby gets in distress 2. I continue to loose too much blood (enough that I would need a blood transfusion) 3. My cervix starts to dilate 4. I get an infection in my uterus. So those are just a few reasons why they would take the baby out right now. The doctors told me that each day I keep the baby inside buys the baby 2 less days in the NICU. 

       As much as I dislike laying here in this bed all day everyday I would much rather be here than watch my baby live in the NICU for months on end. I hope I can be strong and make it just a few more days and possibly even weeks. I am trying so hard to remain positive and stay strong for this baby and everyone else. This is by far one of the hardest trials I have ever been through. I know that without a doubt in my mind that my Heavenly Father is very mindful of what I am going through. This trial has made my testimony of him grow and become so strong. I am grateful for trials in our lives.. For without trials we would never grow. I don't know what the outcome is for this babies life, but I do know that there is a plan. Heavenly Father has a plan for this child and for Taylor and I. I am so grateful to know the gospel of Jesus Christ. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of the prayers and love sent our way. We are so grateful. We feel your prayers and love. Thank you!

Tay & I watching tv in my hospital bed! 

Tay sleeping in the chair. Hospitals must wear him out! 😉

  

Did my water just break?

I actually created this blog page about a year ago, and here I am a year later actually writing my first blog post! I have always wanted to blog, but I never did because I don't feel like I am a very good writer. BUT I have had a lot of crazy things happen lately so I figured this would be a perfect time to blog! Please don't judge my grammar. This post is going to be about the day my water broke. Disclaimer before reading: If you don't like reading about bodily fluids and girl things please stop reading now! 

Sunday-January 25, 2015

            Saturday night Taylor and I had planned to go on a date with my brother and sister in law, Shane and Ashley. When I got home from work Taylor told me that he didn't feel very good. I asked him if he still wanted to go on our date or if he wanted to just stay home. He kept telling me that he was fine and that he still wanted to go. So off we went. Well half way into our date Taylor told me that he didn't feel good and he needed to go home. So we went home and Taylor was SO SICK. He started shaking and told me he was freezing. I seriously piled 4 blankets on him and put the heater on him. He definitely had a fever! I was so worried about him that I ended up bawling like a baby and telling Taylor that he couldn't be sick because I am the sick pregnant lady and only one of us can be sick! Haha I am obviously a little hormonal while being pregnant. Anyways so we went to bed and I kept waking up all night to feel Taylor's forehead (his fever ended up breaking in the middle of the night). 

           At around 8:30 A.M. we both woke up and were laying in bed talking. I told Taylor that I didn't feel good. Side Note: My whole pregnancy I have been SO SICK. Like throwing up everyday sick. Gross I know. It had kind of gotten better since I was like 18 weeks. I only threw up every few days. Anyways, I told Taylor I was sick, but I thought I would just get up and make us some breakfast and I would feel better after I ate. Well I made it half way to the kitchen and I ran to the bathroom and started to throw up. I didn't have anything on my stomach so I was just throwing up lovely stomach acid (can you say FUN). After I got done I stood up and I literally thought I was peeing my pants. Quickly I realized it wasn't pee, and I knew my water broke. I immediately grabbed my phone and tried to call my mom. She didn't answer because she was at church. I just had this feeling that I should call Labor and Delivery at the Hospital where my doctors office is. So I called and told them what happened and they told me to come in just to be sure. I walked into the room and said, "Taylor I think my water just broke, we need to go to the hospital". He immediately jumped up and started grabbing clothes for me to change into. We left for the hospital immediately and luckily the hospital is only 2 minutes away. We made it up to L&D and they had me change into a hospital gown so they could check me. I started changing and the nurse said something like "Oh is this your husband?" and before I could answer Taylor said, "No I am her brother"..... I was literally taking my pants off as Taylor said this.. You should have seen the look on her face! I was SO embarrassed. Leave it to Taylor to make jokes at a time like this (but really I am grateful for his fun personality).

             The nurse finally came in and she told me she was going to swab me to see if the fluid leaking out was amniotic fluid. She took the swab and then hooked my belly up to a monitor so she could monitor the babies heart rate and contractions.  About 20 minutes later the nurse came back and said that the test was Negative meaning my water had not broke! I was relieved to hear her say that, but I still knew there was something wrong. The nurse said she was going to swab me again just to make sure the test was right. At this point Taylor was still pretty sick so I told him to go grab something to eat. Taylor  left and a few minutes later the nurse came in and I immediately knew something was wrong. Her exact words to me, "Sweetie remember how I told you that the test was negative well I re-did the test and the lab called upstairs to ask me why I was repeating the test because the first test was definitely POSITIVE. I am so sorry sweetie, but your water has definitely broke." I started bawling and she just grabbed me and hugged me. What a sweet nurse. She then said, "Your doctor has already been called and she is on her way right now". They left the room and I just cried. Then the door to my room flew open and 2 nurses ran in and said, "you're having contractions and we have to put an IV in NOW!". I think they put the IV in my hand in like 1 minute, it was fast. I told the nurse I was scared and she kept telling me that it was ok and that I didn't need to be scared. 

            When I was a little girl I was seriously scared of my own shadow. I had to sleep with my lights on, and half the time I would beg my brother, Jake, to let me sleep by him. I was just scared of everything, I don't know why. So when I was really little my mom taught me the 1st verse of "I am a Child of God" and she told me to sing that whenever I was scared. I seriously have sang the 1st verse of "I am Child of God" probably 2 million times. So as I was laying there in that hospital room, alone and scared, I started singing that song. I was immediately comforted. I was still scared and sad, but I knew that everything would work out according to God's plan for me, Taylor, and this sweet baby. 

            Luckily Taylor got there in record time so I wasn't alone for long. We both just cried for a minute. My doctor finally got there and she told me that they had to transfer me to a bigger hospital because Lone Peak (the hospital I was at) wasn't equipped to deliver a 24 week baby. She said I was either going to get transferred to the University of Utah or St. Marks. My doctor also said that I was going to be transferred by ambulance and possible by helicopter (crazy)! My doctor left to go call the hospitals to see which hospital could take me. I told Taylor that I thought it would be good idea to get a blessing. Taylor told me that his parents were on their way. My in-laws got there and Taylor and his dad, Rex, gave me a blessing. I am so grateful for the Priesthood. I am grateful that my sweet husband honors and holds the Priesthood. The blessing was really comforting and made me feel a lot better. My doctor came back in and she said that the ambulance was on it's way and they were going to take me to St. Marks Hospital. 

             The ambulance got there and two paramedics came into my room to transfer me onto their stretcher. I told them I could get up and get myself on the stretcher, but when I sat up I was so dizzy, so they picked me up! HAHA it was kind of funny, I have no idea why I was so dizzy. Taylor got to ride in the front of the ambulance. I had to lay in the back on the stretcher and it was such a bumpy ride! I was surprised how bumpy the ride was. I thought I was going to pop off the stretcher, but they had me buckled in. 

              We got to the hospital and they put me in a Labor and Delivery room. I started feeling my contractions and let me just say OUCH. I was really hurting and I was scared. The nurse told me that they were going to give me some medicine called Magnesium to stop my contractions. She told me that the Magnesium could give me some nasty side effects like hot flashes, feeling out of control, and other crazy things! I was scared but I desperately wanted the contractions to STOP. I was not prepared to have this baby. Meanwhile I am having these crappy contractions and getting pumped full of Magnesium, the lady from registration came in. She was literally asking me every question in the book. I wanted to throw something at her! I was so annoyed. I wanted to yell "look lady I am having contractions and this isn't a good thing because I can't have this baby today so stop talking to me!!". HAHAHA I was so mad I looked at Taylor and said, "DEAL WITH HER SO SHE WILL LEAVE!". HAHA poor lady. 

               Eventually my contractions stopped. The magnesium was working! The Doctor came in and said they were going to give me a round of steroid shots to help mature the babies lungs in case the baby was born soon. Finally my mom got there!!! For those of you that don't know... my mom lives in Jackson, Mississippi. When I called her and told her what happened she bought a ticket for a few hours later and she got to Utah in record time! I was so happy to see her. I had my sweet Taylor and my mom. I knew everything would be ok with those two by my side. 

              To Be Continued.....