The past 24 hours

****Disclaimer: Please stop reading now if you don't want to read anything about my bodily fluids. Thanks! 

       I wanted to write about what has been going on the past 24 hours before I forget. I realize I need to go back and blog about what events happened between my water breaking and now, but I don't want to forget this. Sorry if your OCD and it bothers you that I am going out of order. It bothers me too, but I am going to set my OCD aside for a minute. 

        Yesterday morning (Thursday, February 5, 2015) my mom and I woke up around 8:30 am. We both were being kind of lazy and just talking and looking at our phones. At noon I told my mom I had to go to the bathroom so she unhooked my leg compression things (I have to wear these bad boys 24/7 so I don't get a blood clot). I got up and started walking the 3 feet to the bathroom and I felt this huge gush. I knew it wasn't my amniotic fluid which had been continually leaking. I knew it was blood. I tried not to panic. I sat down to go the bathroom and sure enough it was bright red blood (not good). Then a blood clot the size of a silver dollar came out too. Sorry if this is TMI but I want to record everything so don't read if you get grossed out. Anyways, so I screamed from the bathroom and told my mom what was happening and I told her to call the nurse. The nurse came in and I told her what happened and she said, "ok I have to call the doctor! I will be right back." My mom and I just looked at each other and we both started to cry. I kept saying, "mom I am scared. I am not ready to have this baby. I am scared mom!" My poor mom was scared too and she didn't know what to do. She grabbed my hands and started to pray. I immediately felt comforted. Don't get me wrong I was still scared, but I felt like Heavenly Father was very aware of my my situation. If anyone doubts that there is a god. I am here to tell you that we have a Heavenly Father who loves us and he is very aware of everything we are going through. He does not leave us alone. He is always there. I am so grateful for this knowledge. I don't think I could have made it through these LONG 13 days without him. 

        I kept asking my mom when the Doctor was going to come. I was so scared that the baby was just going to slip right out of me. I told my mom to call Taylor and tell him to get his butt to the hospital ASAP. For those of you that don't know... Taylor is a senior at BYU, taking his last 18 credits. He graduates in April, so this is his last semester! Poor guy.. He has been driving from Draper (our home) to Provo (school) and then to Salt Lake (hospital) everyday. Anyways, about 15 minutes later the doctor on call (Dr.Oliver) came into my room to check on me. I told Dr. O. what was going on and she said, "so basically I am going to check you and see if you're dilated. if you're dilated to even a 3 then we are going straight to the ER and getting this baby out." You guys my heart almost fell out of my chest. I think I probably could have passed out. She checked me and I was only dilated to a 1! I was so relieved that the baby wasn't coming right that second. I was still really worried though because I was still bleeding a lot. Dr. Oliver said they were going to take me downstairs and monitor my contractions and the babies heart rate. Now just to fill you in on the whole downstairs and upstairs situation. Downstairs is Labor and Delivery meaning you get more attention because you're probably about to have the baby-so you're monitored 24/7 downstairs. Upstairs is for moms who have already delivered and are now just recovering. Upstairs is also for people like me who haven't delivered and aren't in active labor or showing signs of labor. So being upstairs was a good thing! 

        The only thing nice about moving downstairs was the fact that I got to leave my room and go on a wheelchair ride! Although I was far too worried to even enjoy the ride :(. I got situated in my room and they hooked me up to the monitors. They told me I couldn't eat anything just in case they needed to deliver soon. Dr. O. came in with the ultrasound machine and told me she was going to check baby. Well lo and behold the baby had moved... It was now footling breech meaning it's feet were right on my cervix. So basically it's standing straight up inside of me! Rewind a little bit... Ever since I got to the hospital the baby has been breech but it has had its little bum wedged in my cervix. It was actually a good thing it's bum was wedged there because it was acting as a little cork. It's actually amazing that the little babe even managed to move because there is absolutely no water in there making it very hard for baby to move. So we are grateful that it is so strong! 

        Taylor got there finally! I was so relieved to see him. The nurse came in after Taylor got there and told me that I was having contractions so they were going to hook me up to Magnesium again. I already had an IV in my right hand, but the nurse noticed it had already been in there for 3 days so she had to change it out :(. I was so sad to be poked again. I have lost count how many times I have had a needle in me. 

         After they started my magnesium I started to feel a lot of pain. The point of the magnesium is to calm my uterus so it will stop contracting and try to stop labor.  Well I guess it wasn't working fast enough because I was in so much pain. I was in tears from back and stomach pains. I was trying to fight through the pain but it was starting to become really unbearable. The nurse told me that there were a few different pain pills they could give me. I was trying so hard to not take anything because I am so paranoid about hurting the baby and countless other reasons. Taylor, my mom, and the nurses really wanted me to take something for the pain so I finally agreed. The nurse said I could take this medicine that started with a P... I can't think of the name right now. The nurse told me that it would make me dizzy and nauseous for about 2 whole minutes and then I would feel really good and sleepy for about 1 hour. I did not like the sound of those side effects, but I figured I could handle 2 minutes. I also decided to only take half of what was prescribed. Two nurses administered the medicine through my IV and then stood there and waited to see how I would feel. 

        HOLY SMOKES! I literally thought I was going to die when that medicine hit me. I started getting so hot (luckily Tay had a fan right by my head). I was so dizzy that I thought I was going to pass out. Taylor, my mom, and the two nurses were standing over my bed trying to calm me down. I just remember saying over and over, "I don't want to die!!". I told the nurse I was going to throw up and she said ok let me grab a bag. I started throwing up and unfortunately the nurse didn't get there in time. I threw up all over myself and my bed. Gross I know. I kept throwing up and then finally it stopped. I got super sleepy and knocked out. 

         I woke up after about 1 hour and started throwing up again. It was horrible. And the contractions were back. Holy cow I thought I was dying. Haha I realize I sound dramatic, but it was not fun. My poor Taylor and Mom were up all night sitting by my bed. They were so worried about me. Basically to wrap the night up.. I was drugged up on different pain pills, throwing up, and in and out of sleep. It was a rough night. The nurses  came back in at 3 am and took me off the magnesium. We all fell asleep and woke up at 8. 

         The next doctor on shift was Dr. Jensen (he is one of my favorites). He came in and checked on me and he told me that him and Dr. Jesslyn (a maternal fetal medicine doctor) were going to meet and discuss my case and come talk to me at noon. 

        Noon rolled around and both doctors came in with another ultrasound machine. They checked baby M and not much had changed. They said my cervix looked good and baby M's little feet were still kicking the crap out of my cervix. Haha all I know is that little baby is a redhead.. It's a little fire ball and pretty naughty. The doctors said they don't really know where the bleeding is coming from. They said it could come from a number of things, but it's hard to say what it's coming from. They said that they basically just have to wait and see what is going to happen. They want us to take it one day at a time. There are a few reasons that they will immediately take the baby: 1. The baby gets in distress 2. I continue to loose too much blood (enough that I would need a blood transfusion) 3. My cervix starts to dilate 4. I get an infection in my uterus. So those are just a few reasons why they would take the baby out right now. The doctors told me that each day I keep the baby inside buys the baby 2 less days in the NICU. 

       As much as I dislike laying here in this bed all day everyday I would much rather be here than watch my baby live in the NICU for months on end. I hope I can be strong and make it just a few more days and possibly even weeks. I am trying so hard to remain positive and stay strong for this baby and everyone else. This is by far one of the hardest trials I have ever been through. I know that without a doubt in my mind that my Heavenly Father is very mindful of what I am going through. This trial has made my testimony of him grow and become so strong. I am grateful for trials in our lives.. For without trials we would never grow. I don't know what the outcome is for this babies life, but I do know that there is a plan. Heavenly Father has a plan for this child and for Taylor and I. I am so grateful to know the gospel of Jesus Christ. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of the prayers and love sent our way. We are so grateful. We feel your prayers and love. Thank you!

Tay & I watching tv in my hospital bed! 

Tay sleeping in the chair. Hospitals must wear him out! 😉